Next Season Is A Long Long Time When You've Lost Your Way.

Boy, The Office has really been bad. And I don't just mean this season, I mean for like 3 seasons. For a show, that used to be something I looked forward to every week, to become something I watch to kill time, well, that's a real feat. Obviously it got bad when Jim and Pam went from main characters to supporting cast. I just don't know what they were thinking with the whole marriage and a baby thing. The original version of the office was driven by two main forces. The sexual tension of Tim and Dawn, and the antics of David Brent, that got increasingly more ignorant. The American version could have played with those two things for countless seasons, a la Friends. Ross loves Rachel. Rachel finds out while Ross is in Japan. Rachel waits at the airport for Ross. Ross gets off plane with Julie. Rachel loves Ross. Ross and Rachel love each other. Ross and Rachel take a break. Ross and Rachel breakup. Ross and Rachel love each other at the beach house. Ross and Rachel break up. Ross gets engaged to Emily. Ross says "Rachel" instead of "Emily". Ross and Rachel get drunk married in Vegas. Rachel is pregnant. Ross is the dad. Ross and Rachel and baby live together, but not "together". Last episode, 10 years later, Ross and Rachel love each other.

If The Office folk were running the show, Ross and Rachel would get together in season 3 and Joey and Phoebe would be the main love interests. Although Joey and Phoebe are more likeable characters than Dwight, Andy, Erin and Angela. Besides that, the show has abandoned all sense of reason. It's no longer a show about the daily office grind just amplified for TV. Its a show of 10 characters, none of which could possibly maintain a real job for any amount of time. That's fine if the show started that way, but it didn't, and to reinvent itself into an over-the-top show of absurd happenings has just killed it. Also Pam is the worst now.

Meanwhile, Michael Scott will be leaving and I could care less because the show is terrible. I'll watch Community and Modern Family, thanks.

Aphobia.

I don't have irrational fears. I have very rational fear.

For example:

Sharks don't scare me from ever going into the ocean. If I saw a shark next to me in the ocean, I would freak out. I fear sharks because they deserve my fear. In every fair, head-to-head match up of me versus a shark. I lose.

I don't fear commitment, I fear committing to the wrong thing. I'm fine with commitment, but when we're talking about committing my life to a career... yea, I freak out a little bit.

I don't mind heights. I mind dangling off of things at those heights. I could jump from a plane and enjoy the free fall. Its the 15 minute ride, attached by strings to a giant cloth sheet, that was just thrown out of a backpack, that I mind.

I don't fear snakes or spiders. I fear venom that can kill you.

I don't fear clowns. I fear the people that think its okay to look and act like that. Its not okay clowns. Its weird.

I'll tell you what I love though. Faithful blog readers. Over 1000 hits. Its not going to be made into a movie anytime soon, but I appreciate you reading this nonsense.

A Thing I Like, And A Thing I Don't III.

I like football. I like baseball and basketball and golf too, but they play so much, I lose a lot of interest during the regular seasons. Football is like a 4 month long post season that leads to an uber exciting post post season. I like the injuries, I like underdogs taking down BCS #1s. I like the drama of 1-3 Cowboys and Vikings playing for their lives (not that either will make it to the post season anyway). I like that Boise and TCU are making a case for a national title berth. I love Oregon's hurry-up. Cam Newton's impressiveness. Troy Polamalu's power (and hair). I love rivalries. USC and UCLA. Auburn and Bama. Bowl games and Superbowl commercials. I love it all.

I don't like Halloween. Frankly, I dislike October because of it. I don't like Halloween because I hate dressing up. Thinking of a costume. Putting it together. Actually having to wear it around other people who look equally ridiculous. Its all terrible. Don't even get me started on face paint. But its more than just the day itself. I hate Halloween movies. I hate any talking skeleton. Why does there have to be a horror movie on every channel? Even more importantly, who in the world enjoys these Saw movies? I watched about 2 minutes of one on TV (no less) and had to change the channel because it was so awful. I have no desire, (because I'm a normal, well rounded human being) to see a guy, have to take a shotgun to the face, while trying to retrieve a key, to stop another guy, who apparently killed his kid, from being twisted to death. Thanks, not interested. I can't wait for it all to be over so Christmas Vacation can be on 8 times a day.

Right Is Wrong.

Remember when Tyra Banks put on a fat suit to feel what it is like to be overweight? I think we should give Bill O'Reilly a deep tan and a turban and let him walk around Fox News. What an idiot. When "Christians" blow up abortion clinics, I tend to think they aren't actually Christians at all. Can these dummies give Muslims the same break? Doubt it. Easier to spread hate. Bill said on his show later, that he didn't see anything wrong with what he said, and that he is "losing patience with the political correctness." News flash Bill, it isn't political correctness that would have one be specific about who are murderers and who aren't, it's common sense. It's hard to not look good on The View, really hard. Those ladies are nuts.

Also, remember the guy Dick Cheney shot? He's in the news today. Turns out he has all kinds of buck shot still in his body, including near his heart and in his throat. Plus, it was worse then ever revealed, he had a lung collapse and a mild heart attack. When asked if Cheney apologized, he had no comment. Are you kidding me? Dick Cheney is the worst person, just awful, terrible. He shot a guy in his late 70's in the face with a shotgun and didn't apologize? Who does that? I swear, the Devil is in his chest, beating his heart for him, cause God has tried multiple times to finish him off. I will say this about him though, he definitely lives up to his name...

I Should Be Ashamed...?

In the course of one's life, there are certain movies that a person would almost certainly see. Some are generational, making them popular among a particular age group, but fade over time. But, there exists a certain list of movies that defy generations. They are lasting and memorable. They are the movies that people gasp when you say you have never seen them.

So I present to you, three movies I have never seen. What I think they are about, and what I have replaced them with.

Growing up in the 90s and never seeing this is a feat unlike any other. Its the biggest, most talked about, most widely seen movie of my lifetime. From what I know about the plot, two people go on the infamous ship, he's poor, she's rich, it crashes, he dies. Not sure why that has to take 3+ hours, but its still lacking in appeal to me. I'd rather watch Terminator 2.

My 1990s epic movie replacement: Braveheart

I know more about Frank Capra than I do about It's A Wonderful Life. I like Jimmy Stewart, I like Christmas, I like feel good, but I have never seen this. And, unlike Titanic, which at this point, I have seen many select scenes over the years, I really know nothing about the plot of Wonderful Life. I know there's a run on banks. I know there's a little girl saying something about angels or fairies? I know it's a Christmas classic. I don't know how I have missed this piece of Americana.

My Christmas replacement: A Muppets Christmas Carol

Until right now, looking at the poster, I didn't even realize Christopher Plummer was in The Sound Of Music. Of the three movies, this is the one I know the least about, it's also the only one I've ever been interested in seeing. From what I understand there's Nazis and singing children and Julie Andrews? Is she a nanny again? I don't even know why she's in... Germany? Belgium? Austria? It's definitely one of those. I also understand the hills are alive with the sound of music. So I guess its a movie about singing hill monsters? I kid.

My musical replacement: My Fair Lady

A Voice For The Voiceless.

Jerry Brown called Meg Whitman a whore. First, let me say, I'm shocked! I mean, I really thought these two were pals. That Jerry Brown is such a backstabber. I bet they'll never be friends again. Secondly, can all those fanatical, right-wing, nut jobs cool their jets for a bit? He wasn't saying she sexually exploits herself for pay, he was saying she exploits her ever-changing positions for endorsements, it just all happens to fall under "whore". Sell outs, deceivers and whores all screw people over (pun intended), so Mr. Brown is not totally off base on this one, assuming the allegations are true.

But, that's not what I wanted to talk about. See Assemblywoman Audra Strickland (R-37th District) came out yesterday and held a press conference in which she mentioned a couple things. She hit all the Whitman campaign talking points, but that's boring and meaningless so we'll skip over it. She went on to talk about how terrible it is to be called a "whore" and that Meg Whitman "is not a whore" which we already determined she is, in a sense. And then she called on Jerry Brown to apologize to all the women of California for offending womankind. That's where I have my problem.

I think Audra Strickland should apologize to all the whores of California for suggesting that it is an insult to be called a whore. As if its more honorable to be a member of the California State Assembly. I know whores who are more responsible with their money and who work a lot harder than the state legislature that has run California into the ground. I think Meg Whitman should roll with being called an alleged whore rather than being called a definite panderer and liar who is trying to buy a Governorship. While we're at it, Jerry Brown should apologize to whores also, I'm sure they wouldn't want to be lumped in with the likes of Meg Whitman. Most whores won't even say whatever they can to get a job.

So I call on both campaigns and Assemblypuppet Strickland to apologize to the hard working whores of California. The last people that should ever point fingers and degrade others are money-grabbing, blood-sucking politicians.

Paircipitation.

On a rainy day, I suggest, that there is nothing better than Simon and Garfunkel. Their smooth and dreary sound is simply unmatched for gray dank days. But Simon and Garfunkel are so much more. There is perhaps an argument that they are the greatest musical duo of all time. I will not go that far, but im willing to put them in my top 3.

I dare say that the all time best musical pairing is John Lennon and Paul McCartney. The Beatles are just good. And ridiculously iconic. And continue to influence music to this day. Also, Paul still puts on a good show for an old guy, John not so much. When I did a search for this picture, I searched for "John and Paul" and I got as many Lennon-McCartney pictures as I got Pope John Paul pictures. Excellent.

Justin Timberlake and Timbaland have generated the slickest beats of our generation. These guys are so good at what they do. Some of you are laughing about now, but I dare you to put in Futuresex/Lovesounds and then turn it off for A Bridge Over Troubled Waters. You won't. Plus Justin Timberlake showing up on SNL is the only reason to watch SNL for the last 5 years. He's the best cast member on that show, and he isn't a cast member.