I've played my Branches CD way too much. It is endless enjoyment for me, so I don't regret playing it so much, but I was driving home last night and decided to turn it down. I had gone to see the Christmas lights display on a certain block of homes and Jingle Bells was all up in my head. So I turned down Branches and turned up Michael. It was maybe the best rendition of an a capella Jingle Bells you'll never hear. (Fact.) So I'm belting it out, holiday cheer bursting my car at the seams. (I only know about 4 lines of the son,g so it got pretty repetitive.) When, in a moment of mindless singing... I used my mind.
I have never, ever, ridden in a "one horse open sleigh". I have no idea, none what so ever, how fun that is. I had been singing it for like 5 minutes, including the joyous "HEY!" at the end. What a stupid song. I think the closest I have come is maybe a trolley? Like a Christmasy trolley ride, which is far to smooth for the jingly bells anyway.
Also. When it was snowy and your carriage was unable to traverse the snow, did everyone have a sleigh they could hook up? Was it ever a common enough experience that a whole song should have been written about the joys of it? It really just sounds like its cold, slow and probably dangerous. Plus, the only sleigh I have ever even seen is Santa's, and besides being fake, it doesnt even go on the snow, it flies. (And its not pulled by one horse, but by nine reindeer.) I'm making a pact right now, I will not sing Jingle Bells again until I know what I'm singing about.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Salonology.
I recently spent a day in Beverly Hills, 90210, with my mother and my aunt. I wasn't there for me. I spent most of that time in the Joseph Martin hair salon. What a world that is. I wasn't feeling super great that morning (Ya. 9am. No breakfast. Hair fumes and facelifts everywhere.) First, let me just say, I don't like sitting in a hair salon with nothing to do. The people watching is great, don't get me wrong. Its the mirrors I can't stand. I spent a good 2 hours looking at myself in every direction. I noticed my left profile is much more flattering for my face. (Actually, I noticed that my right side wasn't, I'm a glass half empty kind of guy I guess.) Once I got over seeing myself in the mirrors, I realized that they could be used in the fine art of people watching to great effect. I was listening to the conversation next to me while watching the people in front of me and the people on the street behind me. CIA application incoming.
My mom made mention that the big salon guy in this particular salon is none other than Emmy-nominated host of the Style network's Peter Perfect program, Peter Ishkhans. (Yea, I had no idea who that was either.) However, wikipedia-ing a person standing right in front of you, then going through their google images was a highlight of that morning. I say "a" highlight, because the other was trying to take a picture of him with my phone without him knowing...
Welcome Peter. You should have won that Emmy. You were robbed. (It was only a daytime Emmy.)
The other thing I noticed about a hair salon, is that much like a doctor's waiting room, where you wonder what everyone has; the first place you look is instantly at their hair. And even worse, by about 30 minutes in, I had an opinion about every person's hair. One lady came in with a pixie style, short cut (think Emma Watson, I know I was) and left looking exactly the same. She spent a good hour there. I don't know what she did, but I know that I didn't like it coming in and I didn't like it coming out. My least favorite lady, had long, frizzy brown hair down to her lower back with blonde streaks in it. She was probably 60. (She was probably 50, but she looked 60.) I think I was most bothered by the fact that she was at a fancy hair salon, where presumably the options are endless and she could shave years off her look, and she chose to look like she did. I know this, because she was there getting her blonde streaks re-done. Terrible. I also got one of her. The heater she is under, I found out, was a Halo-Heater. It rotated around her for like 30 minutes. I still haven't figured out how that is better or necessary.
She was also really mean to the ladies that clean and sweep up, that's probably why I didn't mind not liking her very much. (That and the hair.) So go. Sit in a place you would never be normally. Watch. Learn. Study. It was not the worst. You may even run into a losing daytime Emmy nominated cable TV host while you're there.
My mom made mention that the big salon guy in this particular salon is none other than Emmy-nominated host of the Style network's Peter Perfect program, Peter Ishkhans. (Yea, I had no idea who that was either.) However, wikipedia-ing a person standing right in front of you, then going through their google images was a highlight of that morning. I say "a" highlight, because the other was trying to take a picture of him with my phone without him knowing...
Welcome Peter. You should have won that Emmy. You were robbed. (It was only a daytime Emmy.)
The other thing I noticed about a hair salon, is that much like a doctor's waiting room, where you wonder what everyone has; the first place you look is instantly at their hair. And even worse, by about 30 minutes in, I had an opinion about every person's hair. One lady came in with a pixie style, short cut (think Emma Watson, I know I was) and left looking exactly the same. She spent a good hour there. I don't know what she did, but I know that I didn't like it coming in and I didn't like it coming out. My least favorite lady, had long, frizzy brown hair down to her lower back with blonde streaks in it. She was probably 60. (She was probably 50, but she looked 60.) I think I was most bothered by the fact that she was at a fancy hair salon, where presumably the options are endless and she could shave years off her look, and she chose to look like she did. I know this, because she was there getting her blonde streaks re-done. Terrible. I also got one of her. The heater she is under, I found out, was a Halo-Heater. It rotated around her for like 30 minutes. I still haven't figured out how that is better or necessary.
She was also really mean to the ladies that clean and sweep up, that's probably why I didn't mind not liking her very much. (That and the hair.) So go. Sit in a place you would never be normally. Watch. Learn. Study. It was not the worst. You may even run into a losing daytime Emmy nominated cable TV host while you're there.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Blogging Is Hard Redux.
The thing about blogging is, (at least for me) that I need a solid topic that actually interests me. Most of these topics hit me during the course of the day. Either from media, friends and family or (and most commonly) from my being genuinely upset about something. I don't blog personal stuff, so any life drama that may occur is not up for public consumption. But I thought, maybe I'll do a blog on the blogs that didn't make the cut. So here now, snippets of blog topics that were not up to par.
Gum v. Mints. I don't get gum. Its sticky. It loses flavor and becomes some weird gooey thing that sits in your mouth for far too long. It shows up in pictures when you smile. It has never been a successful part of any spoken communication. It itself causes people to abandon all chewing etiquette (which, if I may say, few people actually have). Eat a mint. Please.
My Beard. First off, its not a beard. But I decided against the first words of this paragraph being: "The Hair Growing Out Of My Face". For anyone who has, or will, see this, I know. I know what it looks like. If I am anything, I am self-aware (to a fault). My intentions are not to look good (as if) or bad. They are merely to see what happens. I'm considering putting a soft cap of January 1st, just to see what another month will do. It has not been easy. Its red, black, blonde and brown (I just realized while typing that, that my facial hair is a calico cat). Its not flattering, but incredibly interesting (at least to me, not so much for an entire blog).
Trout Clubbing. Sarah Palin did something I'm okay with. She beat a trout to death with a club then put it on national television. I get the hypocrisy. I won't shoot a dear but I'll club a trout? Yes. Fish are ugly. Deer are furry, like cats and dogs. To me, fish just seem like mindless floating... things. Even some "vegetarians" will eat fish. Not that I want to use them as my animal morality gauge. I'm just saying, she isn't all terrible.
Coffee Cool. I don't like coffee. I do like people thinking I'm drinking coffee, like an adult, with so much to do that I have to stay awake. I hold coffee cups with lids that have hot chocolate in them to look cool. I'm a total fraud. Whoever made liquid, warm chocolate should win some sort of medal. I'm going to start a chocolate awards ceremony. Rachel McAdams can host. Just chocolate and Rachel everywhere. If there's a whole Food Network, surely I could get people to watch that once a year.
See. There's a reason these things never get written. Maybe someone will try to build a mosque in the United States again sometime soon, then I'll have something to write about.
Gum v. Mints. I don't get gum. Its sticky. It loses flavor and becomes some weird gooey thing that sits in your mouth for far too long. It shows up in pictures when you smile. It has never been a successful part of any spoken communication. It itself causes people to abandon all chewing etiquette (which, if I may say, few people actually have). Eat a mint. Please.
My Beard. First off, its not a beard. But I decided against the first words of this paragraph being: "The Hair Growing Out Of My Face". For anyone who has, or will, see this, I know. I know what it looks like. If I am anything, I am self-aware (to a fault). My intentions are not to look good (as if) or bad. They are merely to see what happens. I'm considering putting a soft cap of January 1st, just to see what another month will do. It has not been easy. Its red, black, blonde and brown (I just realized while typing that, that my facial hair is a calico cat). Its not flattering, but incredibly interesting (at least to me, not so much for an entire blog).
Trout Clubbing. Sarah Palin did something I'm okay with. She beat a trout to death with a club then put it on national television. I get the hypocrisy. I won't shoot a dear but I'll club a trout? Yes. Fish are ugly. Deer are furry, like cats and dogs. To me, fish just seem like mindless floating... things. Even some "vegetarians" will eat fish. Not that I want to use them as my animal morality gauge. I'm just saying, she isn't all terrible.
Coffee Cool. I don't like coffee. I do like people thinking I'm drinking coffee, like an adult, with so much to do that I have to stay awake. I hold coffee cups with lids that have hot chocolate in them to look cool. I'm a total fraud. Whoever made liquid, warm chocolate should win some sort of medal. I'm going to start a chocolate awards ceremony. Rachel McAdams can host. Just chocolate and Rachel everywhere. If there's a whole Food Network, surely I could get people to watch that once a year.
See. There's a reason these things never get written. Maybe someone will try to build a mosque in the United States again sometime soon, then I'll have something to write about.
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